The Slayer's ABCs
by Anakara
Summary: The Slayers are putting on a performance with the help of the letters of the alphabet! For each letter, they name something relevant to Slayers! Unfortunately... Xelloss wrote the script...oops... has minor xl, za, gs.
1. Part 1!

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers, Darn!  
  
Title: The Slayer's ABC's!  
  
  
  
Setting: A stage (just imagine your self in the audience!!! ^_^) The curtain is closed. (P.S. Everyone is wearing his or her normal outfits)  
  
  
  
Lina slowly walked out in front of the curtain with a serious look on her face and her eyes closed with a piece of paper in her hands. She was wearing her usual Slayers costume, except that there was a flower in her hair…. (she had to look a little dressed up!!! ^_^) Lina opened her eyes and smiled.  
  
"Hello, and welcome to the play "The Slayer's ABCs. The play was produced by Anakara studios, advertised on Fanfiction.net…"  
  
-Who in the world wrote this stupid script?!!! I'm going to Dragu Slave them! This is embarrassing!-  
  
"…and written by the coolest, handsomest, mazoku around…. Xelloss…" Lina said with a gigantic sweatdrop. Xelloss soon stuck his head out of the curtain, smiling insanely. He wasn't there for long, Lina punched him in the face, and he went flying back to the back of the stage. Lina smiled.  
  
"Anyway, ignore the fruitcake.. Enjoy the show!!!!! Lina said smiling a lot and making peace signs. She quickly she ran off stage as the audience clapped. (Clap!!!) The curtain opens:  
  
Lina is standing in the middle of the stage (don't ask me how she got there that fast)  
  
A stands for adventure!!! Going on an adventure is what I'm doing when I blowing up bandits, and stealing their treasure!!! Wa ha ha ha haaa! Then I get to use the money from my adventure to buy me food and stuff!!! Lina got a really greedy as she imagined all the treasure…  
  
"Psstt… Miss Lina! Could you stop that?" Amelia whispered from off stage.  
  
"Ooops! I mean…"  
  
B is for bad guys that I blow up and steal treasure from! Then I use the treasure…" Lina trailed off when she saw Amelia's dirty looks.  
  
Lina grumbled and walked off stage, while Gourry walked on.  
  
"C… it is C right…?" Gourry said as Zel groaned and put his hand on his face and turned away.  
  
"Okay, C is for… Coins!!! We have to pay the people at the inns lots of COINS because Lina eats so much!" Gourry said happily  
  
"Hey!!!!! You eat just as much as I do Jellyfish brains!" Lina yelled from off stage.  
  
"Haa haa haa……. I mean.. D is for Drumsticks! Drumsticks are tasty and I like to eat them!" Gourry again said as his stomach growled and he hurried off stage to get some food. Zelgadis sweatdropped and whispered in Amelia's ear, (who blushed) "Is it me, or are do all of these words have to do with food or money…."  
  
"Or Dark Star, Dragu-slave and Deep sea Dolphin!" Xelloss whispered loudly in a chirpy fashion.  
  
Amelia ran out on stage, covering her still very apparent blush.  
  
"e..e..E is for… E is for… looks through notecards …Ears!"  
  
Everyone got question marks above and around their heads and said all at once "Ears?"  
  
"Yes, ears… Zel's ears… I like to look at Zel's ears because they're cute and pointy…" Amelia blushed more while looking at the notecards and paused. "I… I have to go!" Amelia yelled as she ran off stage. Zel blushed furiously back stage; even his ears were blushing…  
  
"Oh darn! Now we don't have anybody to do F… oh well… everyone will be sad…" Xelloss said smirking happily.  
  
"Be quiet you namagomi! I, Filia start with the letter F!" Filia said dropping down from the ceiling of the stage, scaring the audience! (Scream!) crickets are heard chirping (Oh, come on… scream!!!! Ok, ok… that's better… sheesh)  
  
"You start with the letter F?" Xelloss said mockingly, smiling his Trademark fruitcake grin.  
  
"No! My NAME does you namagomi!" Filia yelled angrily at Xelloss. " I rid the world of stupid mazoku's like him!" Filia said happily whacking Xelloss with her mace, leaving him unconscious.  
  
"Oooo! Ooooo! Oooo! Let ME do the next one, please?????" A voice rang out from no where. Everyone looked around… None of the Slayers moved an eyeball.  
  
I said EVERYONE LOOKED AROUND!!!! Frantically the whole Slayers started looking around.  
  
"The next letter is G!" Sylphiel said running from off stage where she had been hugging Gourry's arm. Gourry, having not realized she was there, looked around confusedly before shrugging.  
  
"Gourry Dear starts with G! I like to hug onto Gourry's arm and make him food and.." Sylphiel said while Lina pushed her off stage.  
  
Zel walked out onto the stage, holding his hands behind his back with his usual, pained, stoic expression. Flipping through his note-cards provided so generously by Xelloss, he eventually came to the right one. "The next letter is H… Uhh… Hair starts with H. Zel's hair sticks unnaturally and I want to.. touch.. it..all… the ……..time?!" Zel glared ominously at Xelloss who had recovered from the mace whacking.  
  
"Ooops! Sorry Zelly! Amelia was supposed to get that one!" Xelloss said, slightly holding his hands up in a non- threatening way.  
  
Zel glared even more, before returning his attention to the audience again.  
  
"The next letter… grumble, grumble… is I. I stands for Ice Cream..?!! Xelloss, what is this?!!!"  
  
"Don't worry! It has and explanation, keep reading!" Xelloss said, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"All right, all right.. I is for Ice Cream. Xelloss likes Ice Cream…. Okay, that's it…" Zel said storming off the stage.  
  
"My turn again!!!" Lina said jumping out on stage  
  
"But Liiiiinnnnaaaaa…. Not everybody's had a turn yet…" Xelloss whined in his nasal voice rather annoyingly. A fireball grew in Lina's hand and she glared at him.  
  
"Nevermind!" Xelloss said running in the opposite direction of Lina.  
  
"The next letter is J! Jellyfish brains starts with J! Gourry has Jellyfish brains. Okay, next letter!"  
  
"Lina… that wasn't very nice…" Gourry whined, and received a death glare for it, before Lina smiled again at the audience.  
  
"K, ummm.. Lina thinking to self -what in the world starts with K? You'd know that that fruitcake wouldn't make a K card… errr…- "Ahhhh! I know! Kill starts with K! Kill is what I'm going to do to Xelloss in a minute!" Lina said looking at Xelloss.  
  
"It's your own fault Lina-san. You were the one that wanted that wanted to go next… but if you'll come over here, maybe I can refresh your memory…" Xelloss said seductively at Lina, while beckoning her with his finger. Lina blushed as red as her hair and stormed off the stage.  
  
"My turn!" Xelloss said skipping onto the stage.  
  
"Big L, little l, what begins with L?" Xelloss said in fruitcake style. Everyone sweatdroped.  
  
"Little Lina looks at her love with lustful looks." Xel said looking straight at Lina, who just happened to be looking at him at the time. Angrily, she threw her shoe at him and walked off of off stage. A loud boom was soon heard. Unfortunately for the Slayers, they thought it was Lina, which it was not.  
  
"Hey what about me!?" A voice said booming through he theater.  
  
"Okay, okay…" Xel said pouting "L-sama also starts with L. She created the universe, etc., etc., etc…"  
  
"That's better." L-sama said with a smile (although at this current moment no one could see her… big surprise…^_^)  
  
"I like my original version better…" Xelloss continued Another shoe flew out of no where and hit him. Xelloss just grinned even more.  
  
"All right… M! Big M, little…" Xelloss started as about 50 shoes from where the Slayers are standing come flying at him.  
  
Burrowing out of the shoes, Xelloss started again.  
  
"Mazoku!!!!!!" Mazoku starts with M! And so does me! Because ME is a MAZOKU!" Xelloss smiled cheesily.  
  
"Yes, and mace also starts with m." Filia said as she whacked him with her mace and took center stage. "You Namagomi! Yes, namagomi, Filia pointed at Xel starts with N, the next letter!" Filia smiled with satisfaction.  
  
"Now, it's time for a intermission!" Xelloss chirped happily from his pancake position on the ground, still surrounded by shoes.  
  
  
  
Everybody! Let's give a round of applause for our performers as we break for the intermission! (Clap) Scary Naga type laughing is heard in the background  
  
  
  
  
  
Lina: I'm SOOO glad that it's the intermission now, now I can kill that stupid fruitcake!  
  
Xelloss: But Lina, don't you know that I like pain? grins  
  
Lina: Grumbles leaves again   
  
  
  
  
  
Well, how was it? I haven't done too many humor fics so far…. So tell me how you like it!!!!! Review!!! Thankyou! ^_^  
  
~Anakara 


	2. Part 2!

-The Slayer's ABCs Part 2-  
  
Disclaimer: Same as before.  
  
"Okay we're back! And if you don't remember, we just finished off, before the intermission, letter N. We now continue with letter O! Yay!" Amelia said cheerfully, having recovered.  
  
"Yes, and if you don't remember what N was, let me refresh your memory. N was for Namagomi! That is a namagomi! I whack namagomis with my mace!" Filia said as she hit Xelloss on the head with her mace, making a big bump appear. (You know, the kind that stick out like 2 inches!!! ^_^)  
  
"As I said Miss Filia. the next letter is O. If you'll just stop hitting Xelloss. As much as I know you like hitting him until he's almost dead, it's against justice to hit him that many times!" Amelia said taking her justice pose.  
  
Filia looked kinda glum for about a second before smacking Xelloss (who had little stars floating around his head ) with her mace again and walking off the stage.  
  
Amelia looked up towards the audience and cleared her throat and flipped through her note cards until she came to O. "O is for oracle. An oracle such as the oracle of Chewbaka (hee hee) might have a cure for Zel." Amelia turned towards the semi-unconscious Xelloss. "Mister Xelloss, is this true?!!!!" She said getting stars in her eyes. "It must be. I wrote it.I think." Xelloss said while watching the stars fly around his head happily before laying back down on the stage floor. -maybe someone will step on me!- Xelloss thought with a grin, as Amelia turned back towards the audience. "So as I was saying, O is for Oracle, it might help Zel, blah blah blah. as yes! Here's where I was! To find out how to Find the Oracle of Chewbaka, call the Xelloss hotline at 1-Xelloss hundred- 123-I-6534-LOVE- 2538562846284-XELLOSS-123456789. Please keep in mind that this call is not a flat rate and will cost you oodles of money. It is subject to many of terms of agreements, fine print that's impossible to read and all other delightfully bad stuff. However, if you are making a call from the astral plane, then all charges are free." Amelia read over the note card again to herself before sweatdropping and walking off stage, shaking her head. "No! Go away! We don't need you here! Shoo!!!" Lina's voice was heard from backstage. "Huh?" Gourry said, dragging Sylphiel along with him as he went to investigate. "I said GO AWAY!!!!!" Lina said sounding a little worried and very angry. "No! Not THAT way!!!!" Lina was obviously too late.  
  
Xelloss smiled creepily and narrated. "Out onto the stage, jumped a very scary figure. This figure's laugh could strike fear into the heart's men (and women) but no one knew her name, but: The Shadow knows!" *insane laughter*  
  
"Xelloss! Shut Up!" Lina said from where she was, which happened to be on Xelloss' face,  
  
"Yare, Yare, Lina-san, why won't you let me have any fun?" Xelloss said, his voice sort of muffled.  
  
"Have you forgotten about me? Have you forgotten about your friend Naga?!" Naga smirked in a Naga-ish way and threw her head back and laughed. *Everyone in the audience collapses upon hearing Naga's laughter*  
  
"P is for two things which both describe me!!! P is for Pretty and Perfect, which as I said earlier, describes me perfectly!" Naga grinned as she tossed her hair over her shoulder, giving her disturbingly large bust line and extra bounce.  
  
Lina scowled as she was reminded of her small bust line. The scowl was soon replaced with a look of surprise as she found Xelloss' hand on her chest. "Lina, you really do have a nice figure." Xelloss said giving her a peck on the cheek.  
  
"Xelloss you fruitcake!!!" Lina said punching him away as she blushed furiously.  
  
"That reminds me of the next letter in the alphabet. The next letter is Q. Q is for Quiet. Quiet is what I wish it was right now. This noise is giving me a headache." Zel said stoically as he walked off stage.  
  
"R is for round. Round is what my bust line is!" Naga said smiling cruelly at Lina."  
  
Gourry crept onto the stage, hoping not to get any of the death glares that were passing between Naga and Lina. "S is for Stupid. Lina calls me stupid a lot. Oh! S is also for Scrumptious! Food is scrumptious, I like food!"  
  
"S could also be for Sexy, which Lina most definitely is. The next letter, T, is for talisman, like the talismans that my precious Lina has." Xelloss said taking center stage once more.  
  
"T is also for Test your luck, which is what you are doing right now, Xelloss." Lina said shifting the focus of her death glares to Xelloss.  
  
"U is for Undying Love, like the love that I have for Gourry dear." Syphiel said hugging Gourry even tighter.  
  
"U is also for unhappy, which is what I am right now!!! What happened to my part in this?" Filia said grumpily.  
  
Amelia appeared from the back of the stage triumphantly. "V is for valiant! All people who fight for love and justice are valiant!"  
  
"What happened to my script.. Why isn't anyone following it any more???? Don't you know how hard I worked to make that script?" Xelloss said on the verge of fake tears.  
  
"Do you think that we care?" Filia said as she smacked Xelloss with her mace. "W is for Wicked. That's what Filia is being right now. Wait-never mind, she's that way all of the time!" Xelloss said recovering.  
  
"And of course X is for Xelloss, everyone's favorite general priest! "Xelloss said grinning from ear to ear. "It also stands for Xelas, my master!" Xelloss said dancing across the stage.  
  
Lina raised her eyebrow. "Did someone slip something in his tea this morning?"  
  
"If someone did, I hope they don't slip it mine as well." Filia said with a disgusted expression.  
  
"Y is for yet." Zelgadis said re-entering the stage. "Is this thing over yet?" "Ah, yes, Z is for..."  
  
"NO! Let me say it!" Naga said, pushing Xelloss aside. "Z is for Zelgadis!"  
  
"Yes, Z is for Zelgadis." Amelia said shyly before walking over to Zel and whispering something in his ear which made him blush profusely.  
  
Lina yawned before speaking. "Well, I think that was the end, so you can all go home. Oh, and Xelloss, you owe me as much food as I can eat. You promised me a banquet if I would participate in this stupid thing."  
  
"Okay, everyone, you heard what she said. It's time to go! Thank you for being such a good audience! Join us next time on 'The Slayers Dating Game!" Xelloss said grinning brightly as Lina grabbed his arm and dragged him off stage.  
  
*Curtain closes*  
  
------Thank you for reading my fic! Hopefully you liked it, if not- oh well.. Anyhoo, please review!!! ^_^-------- 


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